Precarious

by Miriam Hitchcock

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1.
02:19
2.
3.
4.
01:42
5.
03:14
6.
01:39
7.
01:40
8.
04:20
9.

credits

released July 18, 2016

Thanks to Elyssa Pearlstein for the cover art! Check out her page, www.elyssaevephoto.com and like her on facebook, www.facebook.com/elyssaevephoto/

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Miriam Hitchcock Ann Arbor, Michigan

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Track Name: keep going
i keep going to these shows
but i think everybody knows
that i don't belong here
i should have called out that one asshole
told him what he said was racist
or that maybe he shouldn't sing songs that glorify rape
but all i could think at the time
was how this just proves my being here is all a lie
maybe it's just time for me to go home

i keep sewing patches to my clothes
but i let everybody know
that i didn't make them
i should have called that woman back
who said my emma goldman patch
matches her tattoo
but the more that i waste my time
the more it just proves my promises are always lies
maybe i should just go hide in my room
like i always do
Track Name: morning feelings
i woke up feeling tired and lazy
pulled the blankets up hoping i could push the world away
but it's 3pm
and i feel worse than i did in the morning
just gonna be one of those days

i woke up feeling wild and crazy
thanking all the gods that i don't keep weapons handy
it's been hard to feel safe
when i first come awake in the morning
since 2014

get the coffee ready, eat some food, and breathe
if i don't have to talk to anyone, i'm gonna be ok

i woke up feeling sick n empty
when i had i dream that i'd missed a meeting
and you tried to call
but in real life you don't have my number

and i woke up feeling warm and wanted
when i could have sworn i was gonna wake up haunted
well maybe it's both
i've been flirting with ghosts for a month now
but never with you

get the coffee ready, eat some food, and breathe
tell myself that i don't care what anybody thinks of me

and the quickening of my heart is enough to get my functioning
so i can start to heal without too much vulnerability
and you don't have to tell me that's there's a certain irony
to avoiding love when i practice polyamory
Track Name: not listening
i know i need to find a better answer than running away
i know i have to speak up when i have something to say

you think that you have been there for me but you weren't listening
you think that you have been there for me but you're not helping

you're looking in the wrong direction when you're giving me advice
you don't even pay attention when tears are pouring from my eyes
you think you can just come barging through my door
well you aren't welcome anymore
if you tear down my friend you know that hurts me too
and if you keep talking over me i won't keep trying to break through
you can't tell me what i think and what i feel; only i can tell you

you think that you have been there for me but you weren't listening
you think that you have been there for me but you're not helping

and maybe i'm not being fair, i know i'm not the only one here who feels pain
but maybe it's up to you to realize the same thing

you think that you have been there for me but you weren't listening
and that's not helping
you think that you have been there for me then do your own thing
are you even trying?
Track Name: sorry
i'm not gonna call you
i've got nothing to say
i think i've failed you so completely that it's too late to say i'm sorry
i'm so sorry

and i suppose that it might still do some good to admit i was wrong
and i suppose it would be better to tell you that than to write this song
i'm so sorrry

this is so self serving
it doesn't help anyone
let my self pity consume me so completely that it's too much to say i'm sorry
Track Name: unforgivable
i can see the fear in your eyes
and i know some people would say this is your fault
but i don't know, no i don't know, no i don't think i'll ever know
and i don't think i'm sitting this fence because it's easier, no
i think my ignorance is required by the circumstances
they say you can spot i lie if you really watch and you really want to, but
i swear i want to and i just don't know, and so

i don't know why i stay in this place,
ya know there's no good reason to be here
except there's nowhere better to go, and so
i don't know why i stay in this place
it's just heartbreak, broken bones, unforgivable mistakes

now i've heard it said that because some of us can't leave
that, well, the rest of us should stay instead of leaving all the hard work behind us, and
i've heard it said that because some of us can't leave
that, well, the assholes among us, are gonna have to
they say you can't run from your problems
they'll follow you until you solve them, well maybe i,
maybe i just can't clean up this mess, 'cause it's not mine. is it mine?
i don't know, no, i don't know, no, i don't think i'll ever know, and so

i don't know why i stay in this place,
ya know there's no good reason to be here
except there's nowhere better to go, and so
i don't know why i stay in this place
it's just heartbreak, broken bones, unforgivable mistakes

and i can see the fear in your eyes
and i know some people would say this is your fault
but i don't know, no i don't know, no, i don't think i'll ever know
no, i'm no detective, fuck the police
and i may not trust you, but i still can't believe the shit i've read on the internet
i'm just so tired of choosing sides
i guess i just don't have it in me to punish my friends, no matter how
no matter how much they may deserve it, yeah, you deserve it, but

i don't know why i stay in this place
it's just heartbreak
another heartbreak
Track Name: death trap
i think this car might be a death trap
and suddenly, i don't want to die just yet
i'll just grip the wheel real tight
sing song into the night
and maybe i'll make it safely to the airport

it's been years since i drove on the expressway
and suddenly my gps has gone away
i'll just grip the wheel real tight
sing songs into the night
and maybe i'll make it safely to the airport

and soon i'll be safely up in the sky
where at least then it won't be my fault if i die
and i'll try not to think about how i'll get home
ya know it wouldn't be so scary if i weren't alone
but it can't be much further now
we must be almost there
and soon i'll make it safely to the airport

and i didn't even want this car
i bought it for my job, i bought it for security
but i don't even want to be secure
i want to have adventures, but i don't have the guts or imagination

so this car will never see another expressway
and i'm not even gonna tell my family
i'll just grip the wheel real tight
sing songs into the night
and maybe i'll make it safely to the airport
Track Name: quicksand
my trouble have got me like quicksand
getting thicker and deeper everyday
and i'm drowning in my own apathy
my lungs too full of loneliness to breathe

and there's a wall between my friends and me
that only i can see
can't climb over it, can't crawl under it, can't get around
gotta go right through

but i'm still trapped in this maze of mirrors
that only exists in my mind
can't climb over it, can't crawl under it, can't get around
better give up :(

and i would trust most anyone to do most anything
except to care about me
and i would trust most anyone to do most anything
except to want to spend their time with me

so my trouble have got me like quicksand
my lungs too full of loneliness to breathe
and nobody can come and rescue me
with all these fucking mirrors in the way
Track Name: time machine
i stepped into your time machine
i was afraid but i did it because you invited me
and it's not that i don't long to see you: i always do
it's just that i think time travel is impossible

but i made it to the past ok, or so i thought
tired, and grouchy, and cranky, but i was ok, or so i thought
and your wedding was so beautify
i'm so glad i pulled myself together for that

and i'm so glad i stepped into your time machine
dearest friends, i'm so grateful you invited me, but ya know
i thought it was teleportation that ripped you into a thousand million pieces, but your time machine must work like that too
because my body was strewn across the whole space-time continuum, yet somehow i still feel sewn together and

i made it to the past ok, but it was strange
to be so far and so long alone with the person i dated so long ago
and does everyone here still think we're together? oh no, please say that you don't
and could you maybe just dance a little further away, it's not your fault, honey, i just need a little space
it's this time travel busines; makes me feel a little sick
guess i'll have another drink

but i don't think i'd step into another time machine
it's not your fault, i think it's something to do with me
becauuse when that song came on to remind me of my most recent loss
that's when i knew time travel is impossible

sitting on the balcony at my friends' wedding
the workers call up to me and they say
wouldn't it be nice if there were a pool down there and i laugh
cause i know i'd never jump, even if there were a pool

crying on the balcony at my friends' wedding
clean up in the bathroom, but i'm not done crying
and emily came looking for me so i tried to disapear by holding my breath
guess it's time to get out of here
hope no one noticed how long i've been gone

no, i don't think i'd step into another time machine,
not of you paid me, no, not even if you invited me
and it's not that i don't long to see you; i always do
it's just that i know time travel is impossible
sure feels good to be home <3
Track Name: ashley said (i'm afraid II)
i'm afraid if i tell you i love you
you'll just make fun of me for being drunk
well i clearly am, i broke a shot glass
and i thought the bathroom door was locked when it wasn't
so i'm standing outside
a little teary eyed
watching all of you talk
and maybe this just shows how far i've fallen, but i can't think of more i could want
beyond this

until ashley says, she hoped she could meet a friend from my songs
and i had to remind her that she'd got the continent wrong
what happiness i've built since they left still feel precarious
like maybe if i put my weight on it, it'll all come tumbling down

and i'm afraid once you all get to know me, you'll just
wanna run away
and i'm afraid if i show you my heart,
you won't have anything nice to say, because
when you look inside, you won't find
anything of value to give
and i can't seem to stop believing that after all of the contrary evidence

like when ashley says, she hoped she could meet a friend from my songs
and i had to remind her that she'd got the continent wrong
what happiness i've built since they left still feel precarious
like maybe if i put my weight on it, it'll all come tumbling down

and ashley said she hoped she could meet a friend from my songs
so i wrote a new one